Trader Joe's suspected of selling low-wage monkey-picked coconuts



Have you ever worried about whether the coconuts that find their way to your dinner plate were harvested through the use of underpaid monkey labor?

Well, there's nothing to fear, because Animalplace.com is on the job! Animalplace.com sent questionnaires to companies asking them to certify that their coconuts were not produced through the exploitation of monkeys. Unfortunately, while some companies certified their coconuts as 100% free of "monkey business", some businesses like Trader Joe's didn't respond. Could it be that Trader Joe's profits on the sweat and labor of chimpanzees who aren't properly compensated for their labor?

In some regions of the world, pig-tailed macaques are intentionally bred and trained – often with punishment – to harvest coconuts. The monkeys are always tethered to their “handler” and are not permitted to eat the coconuts they collect.

They are making monkeys do all the work collect the coconuts, but people get all the benefits! How weird is that? It's just like a tax system wheres some people labor to collect dollars, and other people get to spend them. The very well intentioned but also extremely nutty people at allamericanvegan.com provide further details of this simian exploitation:

...monkeys—native to coconut growing regions in Southeast Asia—are capable of harvesting several hundred more coconuts a day than a human can; reports vary widely has to how many coconuts a day one monkey can pick, ranging from 300 to 1,000. Picking coconuts is difficult, dangerous, labor intensive work, something younger generations of Indians are becoming increasingly unwilling to do.

They're doing jobs humans won't do. Look at all the inhuman things monkeys are made to do:

...climbing tall trees over and over again during the course of a day, retrieving fallen coconuts from thick brush, retrieving coconut cutting tools for their handlers that include long, sharp blades, and loading hundreds of coconuts onto trucks which then transport them from picking location to picking location.... It is, in a word, slavery.

Yes, monkeys are enslaved. They are bred and kept like animals being exploited to serve people. If you had never heard of a farm or ranch, could you imagine anything like that?

Perhaps like dolphin free tuna there should be monkey free coconuts. Or perhaps the problem isn't simply that the monkeys are picking coconuts, but that they aren't being properly compensated for it. But most countries where this is done do not have a minimum banana wage law, so monkeys can be exploited and paid peanuts. Additionally, if the local monkey population isn't satisfactory, monkeys from other countries can be brought in to do the jobs that local monkeys won't do.

Monkeys should be paid a living wage. There should also be a certification process so that we know that coconuts were harvested by organic and free range monkeys. Also gay and lesbian monkeys should be given the same benefits as the other monkeys, and transgendered female monkeys should be caged together with the other female monkeys.

By the way, for any reader who doesn't quite get it, this is satire. These are animals. Like cows, pigs, chickens, and many others, they exist to serve us.

(Abridged version originally published in AT)



Related articles:
Could you live a happy life with only 4,200 kinds of frogs?

Scientists undercount trees by 2.6 trillion, but assure us animals going extinct

Should oil companies regulate pollution producing activities of the EPA?








The new sex ed: Yes can also mean no


In the new sex ed, boys are presumed to be rapists until proven otherwise. Why else would boys be required, every few minutes, to repeatedly ask women if they are enjoying the sex, and if they fail to ask, boys can be accused of rape?
CONTINUE READING

Related articles:
Is it wrong for women to be nude salad platters?

Study finds women turn to lesbians due to lack of boyfriends

Sorority in big trouble for posting video of white ladies




Liberals believe eliminating tipping produces better service


Danny Meyer, who I had never heard of before today, but the New York Times spoke of as if he were a well known celebrity, announced that at the many restuarants he owns tipping would no longer be encouraged. Instead, food prices would be paid to guarantee automatic tips to waiters (I refuse to use the term servers, or food professors, or whatever other PC term people use for waiters).
CONTINUE READING

Liberals shriek like champanzees as Houston Zoo becomes gun friendly


The Houston zoo is no longer a "gun free" zone and liberals aren't happy.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Carson and Trump break taboos on guns

Shooter Dad blames availability of guns, not his own lack of parenting

Legislatures should be security free, gun free zones like college campuses



Chris Christie recommends starting war with Russia


The only thing worse than a liberal republican is a liberal republican who says dumb things to try to appear conservative and/or tough. Mitt Romney tried it when he awkwardly called himself "severely" conservative. Jeb Bush had one of his awkward moments when he used the word "anchor baby"--to many voters, he is an anchor baby.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Chris Christie wants to track immigrants like Fed Ex Packages

Chris Christie delighted senior aide indicted for conspiracy





Another example why Ted Cruz trails Donald Trump


Ted Cruz has a much more consistently conservative record than Donald Trump. But he has an intellectual, passionless way of expressing himself which I have noted from time to time. On Monday a classic example could be seen as Ted Cruz spoke of his opposition to transvestites serving in the military:
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
CBS Poll: Top three GOP Candidates are pretty good!

Ted Cruz's passion problem

Another reminder why Trump is ahead and Cruz is behind



Are you ready for a Black Boba Fett?


There seems to be a feeling that there aren't enough minority characters in existing film franchises. Fine. The way to change that is to create new characters who are played by minorities. But the way the film studios are solving it are different. They are taking existing characters who have long histories of being white, and turning them into minority characters.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Star Wars adding gay characters but lagging on transgendered stormtroopers

Liberals worried about white heterosexual men in films

Ted Cruz: Kirk is a conservative, Picard is a liberal



SF Bay area sex change doctors in very high demand


If you think the demand for real estate in the San Francisco Bay Area is hot, you should see the demand for sex change surgeons. There are a lot of men in the Bay Area who are just dying to go under the knife so they can be used like a woman. A new doctor setting up shop in Marin County, just north of San Francisco, is already booked seven months in advance.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Should lesbians use men's bathrooms?

Mother commits child abuse by giving her son estrogen

Transvestite held by TSA for smuggling suspiciously male genitals onto plane



Trump's undocumented use of Steven Tyler's "Dream On" is an act of love


Donald Trump is using Steven Tyler's "Dream On" at his rallies and Steven Tyler has a problem with that. But should Trump have to stop using the song in an undocumented fashion?
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Excited Latina describes her Donald Trump dream

Trump and Luis Gutierrez both like Paul Ryan as Speaker

Bobby Jindal's tax plan is head and shoulders better than Trump's



Carson and Trump break taboos on guns


Previously, a candidate for president was considered pro-second amendment if he opposed onerous restrictions on gun ownership. It also helped if he liked to go hunting with guns. That was really all that was required.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Shooter Dad blames availability of guns, not his own lack of parenting

Legislatures should be security free, gun free zones like college campuses

Two people murdered in Swedish IKEA to due weak knife control laws



CBS Poll: Top three GOP Candidates are pretty good!


A new CBS poll has some expected results and some surprises. Donald Trump is still in first with 27% support, roughly where he was before. Ben Carson is still in second with 21%, continuing to inch up in the polls. But the most surprising is third place. After the last debate, Carly Fiorina had been surging. Now she is sputtering, with only 6% support tied with low-polling energy Jeb Bush. The third place candidate is now Ted Cruz, at 9%.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Ted Cruz's passion problem

Another reminder why Trump is ahead and Cruz is behind

Would you vote for the best candidate on immigration, or everything else?




Next Page





Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda




NewsMachete.com Copyright 2015
Feedback


Who is NewsMachete?

Privacy policy
Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda