Did Arab secret agents try to break Chelsea Manning out of prison?


Chelsea Manning, a man who (a) used to be called Bradley Manning (b) was sentenced to 35 years in jail for revealing military secrets, and (c) decided to while away the time in prison by growing lady breasts at taxpayer expense, has filed a complaint with the government alleging that intelligence agents speaking Arabic tried to break him out of prison.

It may sound like a wild conspiracy theory, but in case you're worried that dismissing his complaint out of hand marginalizes the trans community, here it is:

1) One night Chelsea heard the sounds of gunfire with silencers and intruders entered his cellblock.

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2) Then Chelsea overheard a voice telling someone to bound and gag his jailers and throw them in the shower.

3) Chelsea actually witnessed a guard being tied up as they were replaced by imposters!

3) The intruders took over the guard posts, cleverly pretended to be his guards, and started whispering about "bombs", "TNT", and "C4".

4) Chelsea saw a silver box connected to a detonation cord.

5) The phony guards talked about Chelsea, saying Chelsea needed to shave his beard (yes, Chelsea had a beard, but it was a feminine one.)

6) The phony guards started talking in arabic.

7) The phony guards started to mop up what could have been pools of blood.

8) A phony guard tried to persuade Chelsa to come out of his cell, whispering his name in a seductive voice.

9) Chelsea refused to come out of his cell, and the phony guards started talking like characters from the movie "Full Metal Jacket". (Yes. Characters from Full Metal Jacket.)

10) Chelsea accused the phony guards of being phony guards. The guards, after speaking softly in arabic to themselves, reassured Chelsea that they were real prison guards.

11) Chelsea thought he was going to have to fight for his life. One of the phony guards leaned against a railing with a "cocked hip", which concerned Chelsea.

12) Chelsea asked for the phony guard's name but didn't believe it because he read it right off his own uniform. And then the same phony guard laughed and he said "Ala be willing" in arabic.

13) Chelsea heard more gunfire. Then a phony guard said, "Hey, can you guys clean this up?" and the phony guards started mopping the area, probably to clean up the blood from the latest round of gunfire.

14) Real guards eventually replaced the imposters, and cleaned the floor with bleach, presumably to get rid of the evidence.

Manning's attorney, a woman named Chase Strangio who dresses like a man and has a pencil thin moustache like Errol Flynn, confirmed that he (Manning, not she, Strangio) had relayed these events to her (Strangio) and really believed they had happened. At least, that is what the woman who says he is a man representing the man who says he is a woman claims.

What do you think? Do you think Chelsea, taking high doses of female hormones, achieved a kind of clarity that enabled him to see through the phony guards and discover that they were imposters? What would Arab spies want with Chelsea? What secrets could he have that they could possibly want, aside from his feminine mystique?



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