Trump wants to be buried on a golf course in New Jersey


President Trump, planning for his inevitable death, has reportedly expressed a desire to be buried on a golf course. On a golf course in New Jersey, I should add.

Although five of his relatives are interred in the Lutheran All Faiths Cemetery, in Middle Village, Queens, Trump has been making plans to spend eternity behind the first tee of one of the courses at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. “Wouldn’t you want to be buried here?” he told the Wall Street Journal, in 2015.

It is likely that Trump has no idea that the landscape architect of the club, whose members reportedly pay an initiation fee of three hundred and fifty thousand dollars, was a real-life version of Chance, the gardener—a twenty-four-year-old local named Andy Sick, who had no prior horticultural experience.

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“It was supposed to be just this summer job before I headed off to law school. It paid seven-fifty an hour,” Sick, who has a red beard, said. “I was just a tree-cutter-downer. My only gardening experience was mowing my parents’ lawn.”

Fazio told Sick to get to work, so he went home that night and Googled “French formal gardens.” “I knew Trump liked ostentatious stuff, so the gardens of Versailles were a perfect fit. "

After spending between two and three hundred thousand dollars of Trump’s money, Sick got nervous. “I was worried the plants were going to die,” he said, so he e-mailed a high-school friend who had studied landscape architecture for guidance.

Early on in Sick’s planting, Trump paid a surprise visit. He loved what he saw. “Once that happened, I was given an unlimited budget,” Sick said.

Now, just think about the implications of this. Presidents are usually buried in prominent places. Washington is buried at Mount Vernon. William Taft is buried at Arlington National Cemetery. Ronald Reagan is buried at his library at Simi Valley. And Donald Trump wants to be buried at... a golf course in New Jersey?

How will people come to visit his burial site? Will they have to pay the $350,000 membership fee to get in? Will President Trump be buried under a putting green? Will people rest their golf clubs against his tombstone? It just doesn't seem dignified for the President of the United States to be buried by the 12th hole of a golf course. Can you imagine a golfer accidently swinging his club and accidently slicing off a piece of grass to reveal Donald Trump's skull, half buried in the dirt? I think that would be rather odd.



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