Liberal newsrooms should be gun free zones



We are all horrified by the shootings at the Maryland Capital Gazette. Unfortunately, some are going to use this occasion to call for people to be armed to defend themselves. I think it is wrong to politicize this tragedy, and I strongly believe that all liberal newsrooms should be gun-free zones.

Here's some reasons why, courtesy of an article in Vox on a related subject:

1) A shooter didn't kill five people at the Capital Gazette: a gun did, a floating, self-animated killing device with a mind of its own. By declaring the newsroom a gun-free zone, this tragedy might have been prevented.

2) News editors carrying guns? How incongruous is that? It makes absolutely no sense.

3) What if editors get into an argument with other editors? It might escalate into a shooting!

4) There has been no research to show that guns in a liberal newsroom will reducing shootings; therefore, it shouldn't be tried.

5) More guns in circulation equals more gun deaths. Pure and simple.

6) Mass shootings in liberal newsrooms are so rare! Therefore, liberal reporters and editors have no need to protect themselves.

7) If editors in liberal newsrooms arm themselves, they are liable to shoot themselves (or small children!) accidently. Liberals always tell us that the most common result of citizens carrying guns is that they accidently shoot themselves or others.

8) Armed editors and reporters won't be nearly as effective shooters as the police; therefore, they should always be unarmed.

A more sensible plan if there is a shooting in a newsroom is for reporters and editors to close the doors to their office, turn off the lights, prop a broom handle against the door, hide under their desks, and wait for the police to arrive.

And if there is another shooting in a liberal newsroom, we can fight it more effectively by lighting candles at the crime scene and holding hands with young women (and a sprinkling of sensitive men) and singing songs of peace.

Lastly, gun free zones work best if they are well advertized. ABC, NBC, CBS, The New York Times, CNN and all the rest should make it known publically, repeatedly, that their newsrooms are gun free zones, so people will know that guns are absolutely forbidden there. That will let a potential shooter know the score in advance if he's thinking about shooting up the place with a gun.

[Yes, this is satire of the typical liberal positiion.]



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