Obama Diaries: Obama tells his love for Israel



Obama put down the white binder containing his golf scores, and picked up the identical binder next to it which contained his schedule.

"What?" he said. "Valerie, is this a joke?"

Valerie entered the room. She knew the President was always in a testy mood before his daily golf game. "Sir?"

"You scheduled me to speak at a Synogogue in an hour?" said Obama. "A Synogogue?"

"It was Debbie Wasserman's-"

"I don't care what Was-a-man wants," said Obama. The animosity between the two was well known, and not just in political circles.

"Sir, there has been a drop in donations to the DNC lately, especially from Jewish supporters-"

"And you're saying it's my fault?" said Obama.

"No, sir, of course not," said Valerie. "It's just that we thought that if voters had a clearer understanding of your mideast policies-"

"And what is this?" said Obama, lifting up a white cap.

"It's a yarmulke sir, all men have to wear them in synogogues," said Valerie.

"And of all the yarmulkes, you picked a white one," said Obama, giving her a stare.

Obama's foul mood persisted until they got to the synogogue. It only got worse when he prepared to give his speech, and, opening up his white binder, found it contained golf scores instead of his speech.

"How did you let me take the wrong one?" said Obama, looking annoyed.

"I'm sorry sir," said Valerie. "We'll send back for-"

"There's no time," said Obama. "I'll just wing it."

In moments he was introduced-"Announcing the President of the United States, Barack Obama!"

Obama was all smiles as he came on stage to thunderous applause. The far-left Jews were clapping like trained seals to welcome their Messiah, for their religion was liberalism. Obama let them go on like this for several minutes, and then gently waved his hands.

"Thank you, thank you. It's a pleasure to be here today," said Obama. He paused, thinking what to say next. Valerie, off stage, held her breath.

"I.... I have always had an admiration for Jews," said Obama. He paused again. Valerie bit her lip.

"I... I love bagels," said Obama. The audience laughed. Encouraged, he continued. "Bagels... one of the greatest inventions of the Jewish people. Bagels, and the atom bomb," said Obama.

The audience broke out in applause again. Obama smiled.

"I'm also a great admirer of the Jewish people... Jewish people like.... " Obama paused. "Seinfeld." The audience laughed.

"You could say my Middle East policy is called the Seinfeld doctrine," said Obama. "You know.... in Seinfeld, many different zany people lived in Jerry's building. That's just like the Middle East. Iran is just like Kramer, the misunderstood next door neighbor with big hair. You just have to show some understanding and respect. But it's important for Israel to show respect too. They need to make peace with the Palestinians."

"You know, in the Koran, it talks constantly about the importance of Jerusalem to the Muslim faith. The Prophet Mohammad himself talked about visiting Jerusalem, and if you read the Koran you will see that he almost visited it not once but several times. One of his favorite stallions came from Jerusalem, so you can see the Palestinian claim on Jerusalem is just

Related articles:
Obama Diaries: Train of Thought

Should President Obama be listed as a state sponsor of terrorism?

Obama Radical Islam Speech Parody








US suffering from massive equality of rich and poor


Propaganda is about telling a good story. So when the media wants to tell a story of how the rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer, they ignore incovenient facts, such as the value of the various federal, state, and local transfer payments, as well as the value of charitable contributions from private groups such as soup kitchens. That would interfere with the story which is needed to justify higher taxes and higher spending.
CONTINUE READING

Related articles:
Greece is getting "impatient" with austerity!!

Despicable Schumer says only govt can protect you from the private sector

Why do Scifi Movies feature Environmental but not Socialist Disasters?




US Institute of Peace creates world peace for only $110,000 a day!


I know a bargain when I see one. So when I read that the US Institute of Peace, which receives direct funding of $40 million a year and perhaps more indirectly, promotes world peace, I have to be amazed. World peace, for only 40 million dollars? What a bargain!!!!
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
$30 million to open an existing lane on a bridge

NYT upset that Kansas dealing with budget shortfall by cutting spending

Govt spending $28,000 per household



Lib Media: Eating Food Causes Drought


For a long time now the Liberal Media has waged a propaganda campaign to make you feel guilty for using electricity, claiming the planet was melting because of imaginary global warming. Now we are moving onto phase 2: since much of our food is grown in California, and since California is experiencing a drought (which has happened repeatedly over thousands of years), and since growing food uses a lot of water, by eating food, the New York Times wants you to feel guilty for causing the drought in California.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Liberals want you to drink recycled toilet water

Berkeley residents forced to drink foul water to save fish

An Obama EPA rule conservatives can support



WashPo: Best states for womyn in America



CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Smith College admitting men pretending to be women

Harvard Business School attracts girls by peeking

Lapchick says Superbowl ads show bias against women, minorities



Boy Scout President wants homosexual men on scouting trips with LOTS of young boys


Gay guys who want to date teenage boys are about to get some fresh meat:
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Did Amtrak engineer's gay sex fetish cause crash?

Govt banning tran-fats but still promoting risky gay sex

How one man gets to decide homosexual marriage for the nation



Cruz: Leftist media is obsessed with sex


Ted Cruz got asked a lot of leading questions from leftist journalists. At first, he responded with a helpful suggestion:
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Is Ted Cruz selling white people online?

Rubio, Paul, Cruz vote to allow Obama to lift Iran sanctions

Cruz submits constitutional amendment to protect marriage



What do you think Chelsea Clinton's book will look like?



CONTINUE READING

20 Important Questions Hillary wasn't asked


Reporters finally got a chance to ask Hillary a few questions. There were more, a lot more, she should have answered. Here's just a few:
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
What's missing from Hillary Clinton's Website?

Should Hillary Clinton wear a body camera?

Game of Thrones, Bush Clinton Edition



Government strips us of privacy while demanding its own


Historically, in our nation citizens were entitled to privacy while the government was supposed to operate as transparently as possible, so we could see what was going on. What we have seen instead is this concept turned on its head.
CONTINUE READING

Feminists Hysterical about Game of Thrones non-rape


The most recent episode of Game of Thrones featured a scene where Sophie Turner, who plays Sansa Stark, was not raped by Ramsay Bolton. Note that I said "not raped".
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Jimmy Olsen from Superman is now a big black man

Blue and Yellow striped painting sells for 46 million

America is Brave New World




Next Page





Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda




NewsMachete.com Copyright 2015
Feedback


Who is NewsMachete?

Privacy policy
Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda