What the "youngest woman to be president" looks like without hydrogen peroxide as a running mate



I was reading a fawning article about Hillary Clinton in Politico but the photo they showed of her struck me as odd. On top her hair was as yellow as 1000 crushed dandelions, but on the sides I could see long wisps of white hair.

That long, wispy white hair kind of looks like the hair that mad scientists in movies have.

Could Hillary look like this in real life? I think she would want us to know, because I know she's proud of women and girls in all stages of life, and I'm sure she thinks that all women and girls are beautiful to behold, and so, as she is a current woman, and a former girl, I think she would want us to know what she looks like in her natural state. So I have produced a photo showing what Mrs. Clinton looks like in a world without hydrogen peroxide:

This, I think, is what she really looks like. And, frankly, I don't think it's so bad. She's 67 years old right now, but from the photo she looks as vigorous as my Grandma did in her mid 70's. The wrinkles and shriveling of the skin around her lips are completely normal. Even if she's physically in a very old body, I think her mind is still young and capable of bringing great change to America. At least, if she doesn't collapse and have any more of those head concussions as she has in the past. But that only happened once. Or was it twice? Or perhaps three times, if you count blood clots in her brain. But I think if Mrs. Clinton drinks a lot of liquids, pads the floors with soft carpeting, and uses a walking stick, (purely as a safety precaution), that she would certainly be capable of meeting the demands of being president. And with the presence of the Secret Service, she wouldn't even need one of those "I've fallen and can't get up!" buttons!

(Abridged version originally published in AT)



Related articles:
Hillary Clinton: "I've been called many things...."

Why Hillary Clinton is the Night's King from Game of Thrones

Clinton Diaries: Why Elizabeth Warren did not run for president








Illegals suffering terribly in camps with beauty salons, schools, health clinics, gymnasiums


The world's smallest violin could be heard across the country as the New York Times wrote an article detailing the suffering of illegal aliens who are detained for very short periods of time:
CONTINUE READING

Related articles:
Immigrants do jobs Americans won't do. Except at Disney

Will Amnesty survive the full 5th Circuit Court of Appeals or the Supreme Court?

White House strengthening fence to keep out undocumented visitors




Hillary Clinton: "I've been called many things...."


In an inspiring speech yesterday, Hillary Clinton remarked (in a white voice, this time), " I’ve been called many things by many people". Since Mrs. Clinton brought up the subject, I thought we'd review some of the things she's been called
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Why Hillary Clinton is the Night's King from Game of Thrones

Clinton Diaries: Why Elizabeth Warren did not run for president

Is Bernie Sanders trying to get to the left of the Clintons on rape?



How can a woman who was drop dead drunk know she was raped?


There is an epidemic of sexual assault on college campuses. Twenty percent of college age women have been sexually assaulted, according to the Washington Post.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Apple introducing app to tell women when they are getting their periods

Columbia U. Mattress Girl Expresses Rape Outrage by Making Soft Core Porn

Doctor Ruth: You can't say "No" after you get naked with a man



How to become Black in three easy steps


By now you've heard about Rachel Dolezal, the blonde, green eyed head of the west coast NAACP chapter who claimed to be Black. Unfortunately for her, her parents came forward to reveal that neither they nor she was, in fact, Black. She also claimed that (1) a very dark skinned black man was her father (he wasn't), (2) she was born in a Teepee in Montana and grew up hunting with bow and arrow, (3) that her mother beat her with something called a "baboon" whip because she was Black, and (4) that she received hate mail from a racist group, even though the mail she turned over to the police turns out never to have been mailed in the first place (Ooops!).
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Intel pledges $125 million in effort to further discriminate against white men

Filmmaker Apologizes for Casting White in Minority Role

Schools solve problem of minority violence by teaching about White racism



Los Angeles Ranked #1 Place to Live by Homeless People


If it's Tuesday, you should hate the police, if it's Wednesday, you should hate white people, if it's Thursday, you should hate men, and if it's Friday, it's time for some good old fashioned class envy. And so, appropriately enough, the New York Times had an article talking about the enormous swelling population of the homeless in Los Angeles and it's predictable causes.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Huff Po: It's cheaper to give homeless people homes than not to give them homes

San Francisco Debuts Human Waste Map

The Cure to Liberal-Caused Homelessness



Paul Ryan Politically Transgenders into Nancy Pelosi, LGOP Community Approves


Paul Ryan has come out as a politically transgendered Republican. When he was first elected to Congress, he promised to balance budgets, cut taxes, and hold the President accountable for his actions. But now he's Obama's pointman on Obamatrade. He completed his political reassignment surgery when he said today that we have to pass Obamatrade to find out what's in it.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Why do McConnell and Boehner act like they have a Denny Hastert problem?

Obamacare and Amnesty would be dead if Republicans fought like this governor

Who should be excluded from the Republican debates?



The liberal politics of the new CEO of Fox


By now most have you have heard that Rupert Murdoch is turning over the reigns of 21st Century Fox to his sons James and Lachlan. It's unclear who the primary successor is--James will be CEO, while Lachlan will be co-chairman of the board. Being co-chairman of the board is normally a higher rank, but Lachlan is specifically listed as a "nonexecutive" co-chairman, and as CEO James will make most day to day decisions. My bet is that James is the one positioned to succeed his father.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
The most unbelievable poll ever to appear in the New York Times

HuffPo celebrates 10 years of perverse and trite journalism

Watch Brian Williams misremember again



Between the sheets


Please add the words "between the sheets" to the end of the following headlines:
CONTINUE READING

Fairy tales being used to teach toddlers about homosexuality


Hulu is broadcasting a cartoon meant for children about a boy who rescues a prince and a princess but then chooses to marry the prince. Yes, the prince! This effort to teach children not only the joys of gay marriage but also borderline pedophilia is simply reprehensible. It's especially obscene to start in on this topic with preschoolers.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Irish bakery fined for failing to make gay pedophilia themed cake

Why do gays need a homosexual rodeo?

Boy Scout President wants homosexual men on scouting trips with LOTS of young boys



What if Obamacare regulations were applied to abortion?


Liberals are screaming because they feel that an appeals court ruling which upheld a Texas law requiring abortion clinics to comply with health and safety procedures would be unduly burdensome to abortion clinics.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Game of Thrones features strong pro-life message

Liberal Media struggles to find name for dismemberment abortions

Why are pro-abortion demonstrators so unlikely to ever need abortions?




Next Page





Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda




NewsMachete.com Copyright 2015
Feedback


Who is NewsMachete?

Privacy policy
Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda