Global Warming causing hot dogs to slip out of buns


We know that global warming is a big threat. Oh, it may help us with our Mummy problem, and be a boon for great tits, but it causes more problems than it solves, everything from shrinking horses, causing seals to be oversexed, poison ivy to become even itchier, making trees less colorful, making trees more colorful, making reptiles walk uphill, destroying opium in Afghanistan, and is even predicted to increase cannibalism to unacceptable levels, with that last prediction courtesy of former CNN founder and exotic diner Ted Turner.

And now it turns out that global warming is causing a new problem: it is shrinking the size of our buns.

Long-term global warming could cause loaves of bread to shrink in size due a reduction in the amount of protein in grains, Australian scientists have found. Loaves based on 2050 atmospheric carbon dioxide levels predicted by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change were baked by researchers at the Victorian government and Melbourne University. They emerged smaller and crumpled compared to their present-day counterparts.

Click here to see the rest of this article

The implications for this are manyfold. With smaller bread, buns will be smaller and hot dogs will slip out of buns. Salsa dripping from smaller tacos and burritos will create slip and fall hazards, and predictably, areas with undocumented migrants will be hardest hit. And what are we going to do when sandwiches become more wich than sand?

It'sa pity that scientists have not yet focused on global warming's effect on hot dogs. Global warming may shrink the size of your buns, but what if it also shrinks the size of your hot dogs as well? If they both get smaller proportionately, keeping the weiner-bun ratio at the same constant, is this really such a problem?

What do you think buns looked like before industrialization, before carbon dioxide started messing with pastries? I'll bet bagels were as big as car tires. Crossaints were probably the size of javelins. Cupcakes probably were the size of cakes. A loaf of


Related articles:
A prayer to soothe God's anger with our global warming recklessness

Unnecessary recycling is great cognitive-behavioral therapy for global warming anxiety

We need to work harder to keep state & national parks closed








A prayer to soothe God's anger with our global warming recklessness


I read with great interest about the Pope's focus on imaginary global warming. I admire the way he is able to tune out small distractions, like the tens of thousands of people, many of them Christians, being slaughtered by radical Muslims in the Middle East, to focus on the truly big issues affecting our planet. And then the New York Times today published an article talking about how protestant Christians are also concerned with the speed in which imaginary global warming is destroying our planet.
CONTINUE READING

Related articles:
Unnecessary recycling is great cognitive-behavioral therapy for global warming anxiety

We need to work harder to keep state & national parks closed

EPA fighting global warming by reducing food supply




Unnecessary recycling is great cognitive-behavioral therapy for global warming anxiety


The Washington Post had an article describing how recycling is so unprofitable, that many recycling companies are shutting down.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
We need to work harder to keep state & national parks closed

EPA fighting global warming by reducing food supply

The real reason the EPA wants to regulate puddles and ditches



The funniest guide to Politically Correct behavior ever!


The University of California published a guide to microaggressions. If you don't know what that is, microaggressions are ordinary, unoffensive comments and actions that offend feminists and minority "activists" with chips on their shoulders. Because this is such a big problem in the minds of liberals, UC has published an unintentionally hysterical guide to microaggressive behavior. What follows is a list of microagggresive behaviors, exactly as written, and then my own interpretation of what would not be microaggressive alternatives:
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Do minorities disproportionately fail the death penalty IQ test because of racist tests?

Charleston shootings spark alarming surge of Whiteophobia

Woman refuses to have children for fear they will be white



It' s time to ban a certain hate-filled flag


I'm a big fan of the first amendment. I don't like the idea of outlawing speech. But if the media says that some form of speech is a problem, then I think we should immediately ban it. I'm thinking in particular of one hate-filled flag that incites violence among many people, especially in the south. If a flag is a cause of such violence, shouldn't we ban it?
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Illegals suffering terribly in camps with beauty salons, schools, health clinics, gymnasiums

Immigrants do jobs Americans won't do. Except at Disney

Will Amnesty survive the full 5th Circuit Court of Appeals or the Supreme Court?



Do minorities disproportionately fail the death penalty IQ test because of racist tests?


There are a lot of claims about how supposedly objective tests discriminate against minorities. Most recently there are claims that tests for teachers have too many "white questions". Now the Supreme Court has ruled that killers must have a certain minimum IQ to be executed.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
The funniest guide to Politically Correct behavior ever!

Charleston shootings spark alarming surge of Whiteophobia

Woman refuses to have children for fear they will be white



A question for Nancy Pelosi: who is a better kisser, Obama or Boehner?


Nancy Pelosi is a real kissing bug. She's been seen kissing both Obama
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Photo Captioning Contest: Boehner making out with Nancy Pepsi!

Is Barack Obama secretly a white person like Rachel Dolezal?

How many Black and Jewish Presidents have we had?



Court: doctors can give abortions via skype


There's a lot of limitations on what we can do, like eating food with transfat, or drinking soda in large cups, but the government places these limitations benevolently because its concerned for our health. That's why we can't pick insurance plans with only the health coverage we want any more. But when it comes to abortions, however, anything goes. If you want your babies brain suctioned, drilled, fried, or scrambled, there's a veritable IHOP menus of ways to end your pregnancy. In light of this an Iowa court has decided that doctors can administer some abortions via video conferencing.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
What if Obamacare regulations were applied to abortion?

Game of Thrones features strong pro-life message

Liberal Media struggles to find name for dismemberment abortions



Charleston shootings spark alarming surge of Whiteophobia


In the wake of the white gunman who shot black church goers in Charleston, South Carolina, there has been a surge of Whiteophobia. Media outlets are making much of the fact that the gunman is white while the victims were Black, as is almost always the case in nearly 7% of all murders of black people.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
The funniest guide to Politically Correct behavior ever!

Do minorities disproportionately fail the death penalty IQ test because of racist tests?

Woman refuses to have children for fear they will be white



It's time to put a woman (Mrs. Obama) on food stamps


I was delighted to hear that we are getting that very dead white man, Alexander Hamilton, off the ten dollar bill. What did he ever do to deserve being there anyway? (Aside from being the first Treasury Secretary and setting up our financial system. But really, what has he done for us lately?)
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
How can a woman who was drop dead drunk know she was raped?

Apple introducing app to tell women when they are getting their periods

Columbia U. Mattress Girl Expresses Rape Outrage by Making Soft Core Porn



We need to work harder to keep state & national parks closed


Every time someone visits a state or national park chances are they disturbing precious wildlife. Birds that were singing mating calls will forget the words. Male deer who were battling with each other for the right to mate with the females will suddenly get shy, creating an opening for the maimed, blind deer to mate with the herd. Fish swimming upstream to spawn will get disoriented, and swim instead into lower income downstream tributaries filled with dangerous "gansta" fish.
CONTINUE READING Related articles:
Let's Amend the Constitution to Allow Dogs In National Parks

Govt worries more parking will bring more people to crowded park

EPA fighting global warming by reducing food supply




Next Page





Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda




NewsMachete.com Copyright 2015
Feedback


Who is NewsMachete?

Privacy policy
Search Topic Areas
o Donald Trump
o Best articles
o Abortion
o Economy
o Education
o Environment
o Hairy feminists
o Gay agenda
o Gun control
o Illegal aliens
o Pop culture
o Radical islam
o Republicans
o Reverse Racism
o Ted Cruz
o Transvestite agenda