Move over, Google Maps! Introducing the NYC Public Urination Map!


Now that New York City is decriminalizing public urination, New Yorkers of every stripe want to know where they can go to witness New York's version of the Old Faithful geyser, watching powerful stream of apple juice colored liquids gracing the noble streets of New York from powerful local spouts. Thankfully 21st century mapping technology has taken the guesswork out of this, as New York introduces its very first urination map! (Not to confuse this with, or to dethrone, San Francisco's solid human waste street map!)

Corona, Queens is the public urination capital of New York. Coming in second is Williamsburg, Brooklyn. The Bronx, which usually comes in first place when it comes to matters of societal disintegration, has some substantial "wet zones" in southern parts. Midtown and lower Manhattan looks like a big yellow swimming pool. But no part of the city is spared, though for most of Staten Island, people, for some reason, elect to use toilets.

Other top areas included East Harlem and the West Village in Manhattan, Bedford-Stuyvesant in Brooklyn, and Astoria and Long Island City in Queens.

Doesn't the diagram above look like a weather map? You know, people say that drought is a natural consequence of global warming, but I think with the "loosening" of urination laws that flooding is likely to be in the forecast for the near future!

“This is tradition,” Alejandro Gomez, 31, said recently from a bench in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where he shared a six-pack with two friends who rose to urinate, undetected, beside a park around 2 a.m. As two of the men returned to their seats, after leaving their mark on a tree and a park gate, clouds of marijuana smoke wafted their way from down the block.

In a country that had given up so many traditions, do you feel good that Alejandro is continuing this one?

The force has already stepped back from blanket enforcement of minor offenses. Summonses have fallen. Arrests are down. The administration has also contended with weeks of unsettling headlines about rises in shootings and homicides through the first several months of the year.

All this talk of crime and public urination reminds me of Bing Crosby singing an old song I have only slightly modified:

"It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've bought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let It Flow! Let It Flow! Let It Flow!"

Here's another great line from the article:

On the issue of public urination, enforcement need not be evenhanded, according to Mr. Maple

And here's yet another:

Councilman Corey Johnson said that though penalties for some nonviolent offenses should be reduced, public urination was a separate matter. “There is already a significant problem every single weekend with widespread, out-of-control peeing,” Mr. Johnson, who represents much of Manhattan’s West Side, said

If peeing is out of control, do you think the city should send social workers to help people with their aim?

In many cases, the $50 ticket can be pai

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